Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
