I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate all girls vehemently.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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