I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
