i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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