I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
