AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
