this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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