If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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