a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
