i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
