When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
