Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
