I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
