he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
