mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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