Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
