how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
