Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
