If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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