He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
