How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she told me i tasted like america
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
