so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
