I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
