she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
