I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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