shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
