If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
