I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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