Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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