I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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