I am spending my child support on dildos
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
