Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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