He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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