Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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