I think I died a long time ago.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
