I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
