I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
