Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
