i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
