I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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