Just cropdusted the office
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
