i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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