your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
