i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
