Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
