if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
