She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
