I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
