Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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