i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found puke in my bra..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
