That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
