So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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