I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
