Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
