i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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