I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
