I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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